Have you ever felt like everybody else on the planet is happily paired off with a perfect partner except you? Oh boy, then welcome to the single club.
Ending of last year and beginning of this year, I was so desperate to find a partner due to Christmas and new year’s eve and I didn’t want be alone on that occasion. I was on social media trying to strike conversations with people I thought might be suitable, I also tried to reconnect with exes and “.ex-admirers” I turned down because I wasn’t ready or thought wasn’t good enough for me. I ended up asking friends and some family members to set me up on dates. Believe you me; I was desperate for a partner for that season. Well to cut long story short, I ended up spending those holidays with my favorite bottle of wine although I was sober enough to feel the loneliness. This got me reflecting on my life and reasons why a smart and young lady like me could be single and so desperate for a partner to spend the holidays with. I was in for something that doesn’t exist, PERFECTION.
Don’t get me wrong, being single is not a bad thing, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they are truly compatible and that is totally fine.
However, there are people who complain about being painfully single despite the fact that they don’t even try to fix it. Some people may be really just haven’t met the right person. But then there are those who have to be a little more honest with themselves as to why they are still single, if it really does bother them so much. For those looking for answers to the bamboozling question “why am I still single?” Here are some unconventional answers that lie within.
- LOW SELF ESTEEM
Yes, putting yourself out there is hard. This is particularly so for people who are not entirely comfortable with who they are. Rejection is scary and painful. But you know what isn’t painful? Knowing you tried, and that you really gave it your best effort – even if it didn’t work that time. Being confident in your conviction, and then going after it. You are you, and that is not going to change in this lifetime. So get comfortable with it and start making it happen for yourself. Some people, especially men think the need material things such as money, cars, phones among others to boost their self esteem to be in a relationship but believe me, you don’t need all that. The magic is to drop all self doubt and you are good to go.
- FIXATED ON YOUR EX
Still living and holding on to the past like a clutch? My brother, my sister you will be single forever. Most of you are still influenced by the happenings of your past relationships. Expecting the next person you meet to be exactly like that girl or boy who dumped you or whom you dumped, holding on to the hurts and sad moments wouldn’t solve anything. Lessons from past relationships should be learnt but move on!
- DRAMA JUNKIE
I call this one the “boogieman of dating”
In relationships, drama can be defined as manipulating others so that our own conflicts can be acted out on a ‘larger stage’ or allowing ourselves to be manipulated by others for the same purpose. Are you “addicted” to the highs and lows of unstable relationships? Lots of people are. We often find ourselves drawn to emotionally unavailable people who make us work hard for every morsel of affection, while dismissing the boring but genuine and forthcoming ones. Eventually, this leads one to equate anxiety with love. That’s not sustainable. Even worse, you let secure, loving people pass you by. There is this misconception people have about drama; that drama is more of a feminine thing. This is obviously not true; women and men alike get involved in drama.
- BE A CATCH TO FIND A GOOD CATCH
We have all these males and females setting unrealistic expectations of what they expect their partners to have, be and look like. Get this straight, there is no such thing as the perfect man or woman that is simply absurd! Are you perfect yourself? I will be hard-pressed to find a female that didn’t insist on a guy being at least several inches taller than her, even girls that are 5’2” who somehow feel entitled to date a guy who is 6’0”. We all think we deserve the best which is totally acceptable but to get the best don’t you think you need to be worthy of that? When women say they want a man with a house, a posh car, makes six figures etc, I take a look at the person and what comes to mind is so what do you bring to the table? Relationships are not a one-way street it’s a double road. Get over yourself my sister.
- MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE
There are people who sit around whining about being single waiting, to those people I say wake up. If you want to find someone you can’t expect them to fall in your lap, can you? Well, I guess you can, but you do indeed run the risk of dying alone. Remember the world doesn’t owe you anything; you have to grab the bull by the horns if you aren’t happy with your situation. Often we forget to live when we prioritize other things such as our careers and other things over our own happiness. Go out, meet people, not just at bars, do activities, it doesn’t matter what it is but you have to broaden your social circle.
The point of this article isn’t to label all single women and men or to put anyone in a box but to find answers to a question plaguing our minds. While you are single, you have all the time in the world to make yourself the best version of yourself. Find yourself, get to know yourself, work on yourself, and confront your fears and weaknesses.
By the way if you are wondering if am still single here is the answer, after reading this article what do you think?