Before The Knot


In the month of February, we are expected to express love and kindness to others. We see hearts everywhere, on boxes of candies, greeting cards, in commercials on TV.  All places.

This is a story of a couple that travelled to western Africa, Ghana to be precise, to have a wedding. The only thing that mattered to them was to get a destination wedding in an African setting with an African- French ambience.

La Chaumiere’ is one of Ghana’s French Antique restaurants where the couple met during a summer trip years ago. The restaurant had a perfect design for what the couple had in mind. Coming from different backgrounds, they decided to host a simple vintage wedding to celebrate and seal the union at where they first met.

[I intentionally chose a white woman and a black man as a couple to be the main focus of the issue. Not my story but the reality as it stands.]


To most black women, a white man is more romantic, caring, understanding, and a black man is stingy, rough, abusive and uncaring.

The phenomena of this interracial relationship trend are not absolutely abolished the( black man-black woman, white man-white woman)concept of marriage. This is not to demonstrate the superiority of a race, but the nature of love that goes beyond skin colour.

In a typical African home, at age 25, your marriage status becomes the comic head of the people surrounding you; they begin to pose the big question ‘WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?’ People need to understand that marriage is not a necessity in one’s life, and for that, marriage should not be forced; it should be a natural process between lovers. It should be ….real.


With the high cost of weddings today and even with the higher rate of divorce, not thinking marriage through all the way is the worst thing you can ever do. It can be devastating and heart wrenching if the groom or bride gets cold feet and decides to call off the wedding. I believe everyone needs a ‘before you get married’ list just so to be sure one is truly ready for their marriage  lives

Questions to ask yourself:

  1. Are you in love with the (wo)man you are about to tie the knot with or you just in love with the idea of marriage?
  2. Does the two of you have the same expectations of marriage?
  3. Are you getting married because all of your friends are married and you feel left out or being pressured by family and friends?
  4. Are you getting married because of an unexpected pregnancy and feel like it’s the best thing to do for the baby?
  5. Are both of you financially sound?

These are questions you need to ask yourself to make sure in your heart that he/she is the one. You really need to ask if you are getting married for all the right reasons. These questions might save you and everyone involved a lot of pain. It may be difficult, but it will be a big emotional disaster and even more costly if not thought through thoroughly and also never ever allow yourself to be pushed into getting married if you are not emotionally ready to give all of yourself to that person. Waiting a few more months or years is much better than realising later that you blew it if the person is not willing to wait, then maybe they probably are not the one.

Talk to your future spouse about your feelings. If you do not feel comfortable doing so, this could be a warning sign for problems ahead. An honest open relationship is the foundation of a happy marriage. If you do not feel you can talk to him/her about your doubts, if they tell you it’s nothing to worry about, if they react badly, or do not respect your feelings, then you definitely should consider postponing or cancelling your wedding.

Sit down and write all of the reasons you love him/her, your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your doubts, and your dislikes. Listen to your heart and pray about it. Talk about it with a trusted friend or someone who is willing to help you see both sides of the question. Make sure you are able to talk freely with this person to see if marriage is really the way to go.

If you decide after answering all of these questions that you just have a case of cold feet and your life as you know it is not ending, go ahead and plan the wedding. Get yourself prepared for the biggest day of your life and have a happy married life. All the best.








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